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Ok, this one is rather long, so bare with it. (Read it naked! Heh.)
Some times it is altogether too difficult to gain the recognition
for which one is due. This sad state of affairs can be
exemplified by the following misadventure.
In a nameless land long ago and far away, the people were
terrorized by a terrible scourge, the Gordian Dragon. In contrast
to what we have learned about such creatures, this was not a
fire-breathing dragon, but, perhaps, in some ways he was worse.
He was a Sneezing Dragon. He would sneeze and cover everything in
his vicinity with his viscous nasal secretions. For those that
have St. Bernards and other such large dogs, this might not seem
to be such a bad thing -- you get used to it, you see. The trouble,
however, with this dragon was that the secretions would dry very
hard and impervious like Kevlar.
In our present feeble fable, he sneezed on the main castle door,
trapping the Lord and all his minions on the inside. Unprepared for
a siege, they faced starvation within a week or two.
Now, the Bull family was renowned for all the valiant heroes
produced in its lineage. The last of the line, Hannah, was no
different. A mighty warrior was she. Hannah was sure that her
powerful sword-work would be adequate to removing the barrier to
egress. The trouble was that she could not get out the door to
eliminate the block. She caught herself thinking of at least
twenty-two different remedies, none of which were useful, so she
kept hacking away.
And it came to pass that among the other folks trapped in the
castle were a family of journeyman carpenters apprentices.
The three sons in the family were each known as Alec and their
job was to make completed furniture smooth and ready for
finishing by rubbing the surfaces with cloths saturated with
pumice grit. The name redundancy was not a problem because of
the great size difference in the sons. One was quite small, one
was normal-sized, and one was very large. The boys were named
accordingly.
While Hannah was shouting and chipping away at the door, the largest
Alec got a thin, long, and sharp razor and quietly slipped it
through the boards in the door. With great effort he was able to
slice through the barrier. At that moment, the mighty Hannah struck
a last gigantic blow on the door and it burst open. The dragon was
long gone and the castle inhabitants were free. Everyone cheered
for Hannah, and she basked in the glory.
However, we know it was not Hannah Bull that saved them, even though
she got the credit for it. Actually, it was Alec, sander, (the Great)
that cut the Gordian snot.
--Alan B. Combs
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going about their
rounds, and trying to get into a house that they
needed to search.
After trying the door handle, Dr. Watson exclaimed,
"Oh, no. We'll never get in. It's locked!"
At which point, Sherlock Holmes removed a yellow citrus
fruit from his pocket, and squeezed the juice into the
key-hole. The door then opened, and the two were able
to search the house.
"How did you manage that?" asked Dr. Watson.
"A lemon entry, my dear Watson. A lemon entry."
My wife told my son never to run at the screen door, lest he strain himself...
Seems like they've inbred thoroughbreds so much, the average
times are actually decreasing at the track, not increasing.
We've got to stop this inbreeding before it damages the
species beyond repair. We've got to make people aware of the
need to preserve our natual racehorses.
--David Reihmer
Did you hear about the psychic named Claire Voyant?
How about the proposed supreme court justice, Lauren Order?
Then there's the Chief of Police in London, Scott Linyard...
Or the woman who sells clothing to gymnasts, Leah Tard...
Finally, we have our nations's top government doctor, Sir John General...
Word of warning: Don't ever go in business with a lamb, because they are always getting fleeced...
The high school coach took over leading the choir practice. Now it's called hymnastics...
Ok, more will be coming later.
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